i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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