does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
