It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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