glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
