these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
