Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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