I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
