I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
