On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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