This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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