thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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