just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
