he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize