I just made out with a guy for $7.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
