After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
