She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
sex in a hospital.. check
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
