Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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