you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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