He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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