look no pants
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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