I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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