I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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