Pants 0. Shit 1.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
