You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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