nut hugger
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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