If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
