I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
