Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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