Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
