I feel like abortions should bother me more
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
