dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
