Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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