I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
