took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize