He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
