Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
