Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
