the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
