im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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