I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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