i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
