question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
