So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
