Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
