# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
