Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
