i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize