I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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