I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
