I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
