I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
