Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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