Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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