A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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