I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
