You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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