I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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