Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize