just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
