you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
