i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We got so high we made milksteak
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
