RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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