I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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