Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
