I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
