Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
