Soap is not a condiment
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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