It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
