There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
