Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
