Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
