I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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