Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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