Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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