I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My liver just had a heart attack.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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