Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
