my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
a search helicopter?!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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