Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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