My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize