What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
