Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize