I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
