i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
