Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
