I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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