I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
