You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
