Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
