Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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