Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
COCAINE IS GR8
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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