WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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