So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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