You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
