He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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