Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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