The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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